Today marks 7 months to the day that we found out that you had died. Time is unkind…If only grief understood.
Grief does not blow with the wind, nor diffuse with the sunshine. Grief is all around, confusing, wild, sorrowful
It is harrowing, reading about the pain of other mothers. It does not in any way give me comfort knowing that I am not alone on this grief journey…..Yes, it’s unbearable pain…
But I am hiding it.
Hiding it for Adam and hiding it for his brothers and sisters.
I smile for Adam. His life was worth a smile.
He wore his cap backwards just like Adam. He swaggered like Adam. He even looked like Adam in a way. It was probably the overall look that got me. He just reminded me of Adam. And then I missed Adam ever so strongly. More than I normally would on a walk back from the pharmacy. It was surreal in a way.
Feeling so flat, scared….scared of the floodgate that might open up..There are people who want me to call them but I really don’t feel like seeing or speaking to anyone. I know I shouldn’t isolate myself but its just how I feel right now. There’s nothing that can help.
Where is he? He was just here yesterday. Reminds me of the Beatles’ song ‘Yesterday’ – think of the words. All my troubles seemed so far away.
And they did.
And they were.
Far away. What will we do? What we have done since he died…We will pull together and hold each other up straight and strong…
Each New Year explosion of fireworks echoed in my head..If I died tonight
It would be of a
Today Jude is in his end of year play. He is the captain’s assistant, oh how proud you would be…
Today’s journal entry marks 2 months since that fateful day…it hits like the proverbial tonne of bricks but oh, so much worse