Numb again

December 2017

No tears are coming at the moment.  It’s 13:47 on a Wednesday afternoon.  I am struck by a passage I read today.  It is about not changing a thing in my life.  How even through this awful, rotten, overwhelming and ever so painful grief, – I would do it all again just to have Adam in my life.  I would go through this all again because my love for Adam is bigger and stronger than this.  I loved Adam and will never stop loving him…


I feel so engulfed today yet slightly numbed at the same time.  What a weird feeling that is.  I’m not sure what today is all about.  Maybe it’s just all about Adam.  And the loss.  The emptiness.  That’s it – emptiness.  I feel empty today.  Spent and empty.

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