Spoke to Issy today and completely broke down when describing the coroner’s report.  Anxiety has been almost overwhelming all week.  today felt breathless and was sobbing uncontrollably on the phone.  Calmed down gradually and did some mindfulness colouring but had to take my afternoon valium early.  Really not coping well at the moment.  Don’t know why my anxiety has increased.  Walls are collapsing around the numbness of last week and strong grief is starting to peek through.  So awful.  Just missing my son so very much.  I look at photos and reality hits me like a ton of bricks.  Nobody understands.  Nobody gets how much pain I’m in.  Maybe you do, my son?  I love you bubby.  I miss you to pieces.  My heart and soul are in pieces, broken.  Will never be put together in the same way again.  You going has broken me.  I surrender.

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