Almost one year

Almost one year

It is killing me inside that soon we are marking the one year anniversary of my son’s death.  Just writing those words were difficult.  Time is an odd thing, sometimes feels like I saw him only last week but my subconscious knows that almost one year has passed…I had to stand at the grave site of my son.  It doesn’t seem possible that I have survived this. 

Missing you

Missing you

The last few days I have been thinking about you more than usual.  Your absence is palpable.  Perhaps it is because we are about to welcome a new family member..The pain of one year without you is too much to bear.  What have I done for this year?  Nothing except mourn.  Mourn every single day, every minute, every second of every day…

Soulful moments with you, my son

Soulful moments with you, my son

Know that I love you Adam, that my love for you has always been pure…Soul power is so strong when it is felt, perhaps this is why I can write this post tonight and not cry, because you are giving me strength to hold myself together…A mother who has lost a child would understand why I talk this way, think this way…

10 month anniversary writing to my son

10 month anniversary writing to my son

It is passing, as I write, the 10 month anniversary of you leaving this world as we know it.  It does not seem possible.  Time is a strange phenomenon, it feels as though it’s flying and at the same time, it feels like it’s standing still.  It just doesn’t seem possible that so much time has passed, yet, missing you seems to have gone on forever.

My birthday

My birthday

Today is my 51st birthday and the first birthday that I have to spend without my Adam.

It is awful.  I miss him terribly, desperately.

These ‘first time’ events seem to be coming hard and fast…