My birthday

My birthday

Today is my 51st birthday and the first birthday that I have to spend without my Adam.

It is awful.  I miss him terribly, desperately.

These ‘first time’ events seem to be coming hard and fast…

Grief for our children

Grief for our children

It is harrowing, reading about the pain of other mothers.  It does not in any way give me comfort knowing that I am not alone on this grief journey…..Yes, it’s unbearable pain…

But I am hiding it.

Hiding it for Adam and hiding it for his brothers and sisters.

I smile for Adam.  His life was worth a smile.

My son’s funeral

My son’s funeral

The following words were written for my son’s funeral. They were the hardest words I have ever had to put on paper. They were written through a haze of tears, anxiety, pain… unbearable grief and despair. They are all over the place really, but they are real, raw and true…

Reminders of Adam

Reminders of Adam

He wore his cap backwards just like Adam.  He swaggered like Adam.  He even looked like Adam in a way.  It was probably the overall look that got me.  He just reminded me of Adam.  And then I missed Adam ever so strongly.  More than I normally would on a walk back from the pharmacy.  It was surreal in a way.