November 2017

I have been feeling so very numb , so very flat.  I feel spent and so empty.  I look at your photo and the reality just doesn’t gel with my psyche.  I told Ary about the coroners report.  Its been difficult information to digest.  You came to visit me.  I saw your eye, right up close to mine.  It’s just so unreal.  I can’t fathom what has happened.  I speak to the psychologist dryly.  I just can’t come to grips with what has happened.  I distance myself from tasks as much as possible.  Jude is playing cricket.  You would have love that.  I miss you.  Those words seem so empty and don’t begin to describe the depth of missing.  The depth of my loss.  You will be an uncle soon.  My, how proud you would have been.  What a great uncle you would have been.  What a great dad you would have been.  But you have been robbed of experiencing this now.  I am sad.  Just so very sad.  And lost…

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