My birthday

Today is my 51st birthday and the first birthday that I have to spend without my Adam.

It is awful.  I miss him terribly, desperately.

These ‘first time’ events seem to be coming hard and fast.

My baby, my darling boy, I cry for you in pain which nothing can ease.

I heard your voice the other day.  I talk to you most days, I hope that you can hear me.

I know that you are with me and I know that you are with me today.

I just wish that I could hug you and feel you, talk to you today.

A single tear dropped down my cheek just now

A tear just for you

I am at a loss for words today, it is all pent up feelings, crying for you and knowing that you are not here.

So cruel

So cruel.

I still think some days that I am in shock, in disbelief that this has even happened.

Such an unreal, surreal feeling.

How can it be true that one of my children has died?

Just writing that is laden with emotion, laden with disbelief, laden with guilt, laden with love.

I love you Adam.

I wish you were here today on my birthday, I wish you were here every day of my life.

 

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