Family and trying to live life after death

Family and trying to live life after death

None of us can believe that we are almost at the 9 month mark of your passing. This is just surreal. I thought of you throughout Jude’s basketball game today – you would have been so proud! He plays so well, just like you, really sporty, nothing is too hard for him, just a natural at sport as you were…

My birthday

My birthday

Today is my 51st birthday and the first birthday that I have to spend without my Adam.

It is awful.  I miss him terribly, desperately.

These ‘first time’ events seem to be coming hard and fast…

Grief for our children

Grief for our children

It is harrowing, reading about the pain of other mothers.  It does not in any way give me comfort knowing that I am not alone on this grief journey…..Yes, it’s unbearable pain…

But I am hiding it.

Hiding it for Adam and hiding it for his brothers and sisters.

I smile for Adam.  His life was worth a smile.

My son’s funeral

My son’s funeral

The following words were written for my son’s funeral. They were the hardest words I have ever had to put on paper. They were written through a haze of tears, anxiety, pain… unbearable grief and despair. They are all over the place really, but they are real, raw and true…

Reminders of Adam

Reminders of Adam

He wore his cap backwards just like Adam.  He swaggered like Adam.  He even looked like Adam in a way.  It was probably the overall look that got me.  He just reminded me of Adam.  And then I missed Adam ever so strongly.  More than I normally would on a walk back from the pharmacy.  It was surreal in a way. 

Feeling flat today

Feeling flat today

Feeling so flat, scared….scared of the floodgate that might open up..There are people who want me to call them but I really don’t feel like seeing or speaking to anyone.  I know I shouldn’t isolate myself but its just how I feel right now.  There’s nothing that can help.

Birthdays

Birthdays

Where is he?  He was just here yesterday.  Reminds me of the Beatles’ song ‘Yesterday’ – think of the words.  All my troubles seemed so far away.

And they did.

And they were.

Far away. What will we do? What we have done since he died…We will pull together and hold each other up straight and strong…