Your spirit is with me tonight, writing with me these words.
Words to bring healing and peace, words to manifest love. You brought your little brother Jude to be with me tonight because you wanted to see us together. I know you are here.
Lately, I am deriving great comfort from meditating with crystals. I can almost feel and hear you speaking to me. It makes it easier to bear, it means that I have you with me, that I have not lost you fully. You remain somewhere in a realm where I cannot see you but your soul presence is felt.
Jude has fallen asleep on the couch, are you coming to him in his dreams? He misses you, please talk to him and give him comfort as he doesn’t really talk to us much about losing you.
I was dozing off in front of the computer the other day and colours came to me as I had been thinking about what stone to put in your memorial. Bursts of flame reds, orange and pink came to my mind and I knew that this is the colour of the stone that you want and it is carnelian.
It is suggested that I surround my bed with rose quartz to make a supportive and sacred space. It is said to be a stone of healing and forgiveness and of course, love.
It’s funny, I feel like I am in conversation with you this evening. Are you here in the kitchen with me? Perhaps you are looking over my shoulder at what I am writing! I have goosebumps after hugging you. You really are there, right there beside me. I am not shedding tears. I feel strong, knowing that you are here with me. Protecting and comforting me. Just as you always did when you were physically in this world.
Your soul must have been called home, it must have been ready for its next journey. Wherever that may be, I don’t know, you know and maybe you are trying to tell me. Perhaps you are trying to communicate with me through these crystals that I have become so interested in and have developed such a strong feeling towards them.
Know that I love you Adam. That my love for you has always been pure. We had our little spats but they never lasted long. You know that, right? Are you at peace with that? I pray that you are. I will help you if you are not, just let me know somehow what I can do, what to meditate on. I miss you being here, I miss your voice, laughter, smile, jokes, sense of humour, pride, the way you would make me coffee sometimes and slop it on the bench. Oh for that slop, just one more time! We would always joke about it – and I would always be the one to clean it up, or maybe you wiped it a few times. I would give anything, my life, to have you back. Why can’t god swap us over? You are the one with a future in front of you. You should have buried me, not I burying you. I am still not shedding a tear. You have given me such strength.
Soul power is so strong when it is felt. Some people may think I’m crazy. Any other mother who has lost a child would understand why I am writing this way and thinking this way. I will end this letter to you with kisses and hugs, love and peace, serenity and hope, and divine love.